Coming home from work one day this week, Mo mentions that she DVR’d this show she caught on TLC about little kids in beauty pageants. Specifically, this one woman with twins who so obviously favored one brat over the other, that I could hear the cash register going off in the heads of the pharmaceutical reps watching the show.

Now I am all for child exploitation (especially when the average cost of raising a child to the age of 18 is over $160,000).

But at some point it becomes a zero-sum game: like when, realizing after years of intense psycho-therapy that I am to blame for their warped self-image by dressing them up like mid to high class escorts between the ages of 2 weeks to 12, they end up surreptitiously slipping random household cleaners into my tea during visits to the crappy ass nursing home they stuck me in.

Thankfully, this surprisingly level-headed father ejected the bratty, spoiled twin in the only display of reasonable parenting in the whole hour-long show. He knows, like most men do, that their main responsibility as a father to a daughter is: KEEP ‘EM OFF THE POLE!

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