Some genius child in Colorado stole his parents hot air balloon and is now stranded in the air with no possible way to get down short of hurling toward solid ground at mach 3 . Here’s the deets.
“Officials are trying to rescue a 6-year-old boy who climbed into a balloon-like experimental aircraft built by his parents and floated into the sky over eastern Colorado…
The helium balloon was tethered to the boy’s family home in Fort Collins, the Larimer County Sheriff’s Department said. The boy got into the craft Thursday morning and undid the rope anchoring it. The department said the dome-shaped balloon is 20 feet long and 5 feet high.”
The only things I could steal from my parents were their car, maybe some fancy sex dolls, and a few different types of hallucinogens, but how cool would it be if you had parents that built shit like helium balloons that you could lure hot chicks into with promises of a romantic tryst at an altitude of approximately 10,000 feet. Hey baby ever have an orgasm while plummeting towards a mountain at breakneck speed? The air is a little thin up here baby so it’s probly better you don’t choke me with my belt while you stomp on my man business with your stilletos…A boy can dream.
I have one solution. The boy should make a tiny incision at the base and slowly suck the helium out and sing Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas songs until the balloon apparatus strikes the ground since he’s probably going to be with Jesus on his birthday…this might make his transition to the afterlife a little less horrifying. Of course, I’m joking and I hope they can find a way to get this very dumb child down safely. Now do you wanna be pro-choice?!
Good luck and god speed!
**UPDATE**
THE BOY WAS FOUND HIDING IN THE ATTIC OF THE HOME. HE WAS NOT IN THE BALLOON.
via cnn.com
The balloon landed south of Prospect Springs, Colorado, on Thursday afternoon.
He was found in a box in the attic at his family’s Fort Collins home, according to authorities.
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Posted By: scatmansham Filed As: Random Salad, Strange News Salad
Tags: Tags: 6 year old boy steals helium balloon, 6 year old boy trapped in the sky in colorado, 6 year old colorado balloon, dumbass
maura
