Word Salad » scatmansham

What If Earth Had Rings? Would it be as Crowded as Uranus? Get it?

scatmansham — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:10:30 +0000

Earth if it had a ring system like Saturn.

I never really thought of what earth would look like with rings. I guess I always thought about more important questions like, how come girls only have 2 boobs, or how come whenever I put a plug in a socket the first try it’s always upside down. These are the questions that, when answered, will bring us into a new enlightened age of advanced technology and women with tri-titties! Until that great day check this video out…

Tiger Woods’ Penis Must Be Exhausted

scatmansham — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:42:38 +0000

As everyone has undoubtedly heard, Tiger Woods was caught and apparently beaten by his wife for swinging his “club” as other women’s vaginas. Now, a new woman has come out every day since the news of his first affair first broke and his wife wants blood. Tiger has reportedly offered his wife millions to keep her trap shut and even more to stay with him. His poonanny count is up to 9 now and his collection is comprised of models, club owners, porn stars, and even a midget. I made that last part up, but it is only monday. This is yet another story about how a millionaire loses it all for the carnal treasure located between women’s luscious thighs. I need to be alone. Good luck Tiger! That won’t help…you and your cartoonish smile are FUCKED.

Check out some of his ladies below: Jaimee Grubbs, Rachel Uchitel, Kalika Moquin, Jamie Junger, Cori Rist and Mindy Lawton

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Giant Bikini Model Will Make You Happy in Your Pants

scatmansham — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:01:15 +0000

Here is 6′8 Amazon eve. Her birth name was Amazon Evan, so either she comes from a long line of giant, giraffe- type bitches or God is hilarious. I am strangely aroused and, at the same time, have this urge to play a game of nude basketball because she reminds me of a girl I once knew back in high school. She was so tall yet so gentle when we played one on one. After the game she’d whisper sweet nothings as I caressed her adorable little adams apple…wait…oh god…

Check out the full article and some more “sexy” photos here!

http://www.zooweekly.com.au/sexy-stuff/babe-watch/7ft-babezilla-takes-on-zoo-man.htm

Amazon Discounts New Xbox 360 Games in an effort to make you spend money before CoD42 and L4D2 come out… it’s working!

NEW IRON MAN 2 POSTER IS BADASS!!!!!

scatmansham — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 13:13:53 +0000

No words…should have sent a poet.

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BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY + MUPPETS = DREAM COME TRUE?

scatmansham — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:33:46 +0000

This is an amazing video of the muppets performing the famous Queen song Bohemian Rhapsody and its like a dream as a child being mixed with a dream as an adult, or like an amazing acid trip gone terribly right. Enjoy:

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The Video Game World is Doomed. Presenting “Mass: We Pray!”

scatmansham — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:53:59 +0000

Video games are my escape from the craziness and misery of real life, but those sons of bitches at CHRISTIANITY CORP. have decided to bring some of that insanity into my fantasy world. MASS: WE PRAY is a Wii-type game where players use a complete knock-off of the Wii remote to do all that stuff people do during mass, besides sleep. I, being the heathen and blasphemer you all know and love, have never taken part in these rituals such as swinging a biblical fog machine that smells like burnt taint hair, eating ritz crackers and making believe it’s human flesh, or drinking wine and making believe you are some sort of vampire…I can go on and on about what goes on behind those psychadelic glass windows, but I digress. Watch the video and I’m sure you’ll be taken aback at how ridiculous this game is.

Check out the official site here…http://www.masswepray.com/

This game is not only offensive, but it is also an obvious jab at my religous community and our game…ULTRA THETAN : THE RISE OF XENU…I have reached Operating Thetan Level 8…and I can kill you with my mind…in the game.

6 Year Old Steals Parents Experimental Helium Balloon-Air Vehicle…Hilarity Ensues

scatmansham — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:01:34 +0000

Some genius child in Colorado stole his parents hot air balloon and is now stranded in the air with no possible way to get down short of hurling toward solid ground at mach 3 . Here’s the deets.

“Officials are trying to rescue a 6-year-old boy who climbed into a balloon-like experimental aircraft built by his parents and floated into the sky over eastern Colorado…

The helium balloon was tethered to the boy’s family home in Fort Collins, the Larimer County Sheriff’s Department said. The boy got into the craft Thursday morning and undid the rope anchoring it. The department said the dome-shaped balloon is 20 feet long and 5 feet high.”

The only things I could steal from my parents were their car, maybe some fancy sex dolls, and a few different types of hallucinogens, but how cool would it be if you had parents that built shit like helium balloons that you could lure hot chicks into with promises of a romantic tryst at an altitude of approximately 10,000 feet. Hey baby ever have an orgasm while plummeting towards a mountain at breakneck speed? The air is a little thin up here baby so it’s probly better you don’t choke me with my belt while you stomp on my man business with your stilletos…A boy can dream.

I have one solution. The boy should make a tiny incision at the base and slowly suck the helium out and sing Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas songs until the balloon apparatus strikes the ground since he’s probably going to be with Jesus on his birthday…this might make his transition to the afterlife a little less horrifying. Of course, I’m joking and I hope they can find a way to get this very dumb child down safely. Now do you wanna be pro-choice?!

Good luck and god speed!

**UPDATE**
THE BOY WAS FOUND HIDING IN THE ATTIC OF THE HOME. HE WAS NOT IN THE BALLOON.

via cnn.com

The 6-year-old Colorado boy who is believed to have set adrift a helium balloon Thursday, prompting ground and air searches, has been found alive, authorities said.

The balloon landed south of Prospect Springs, Colorado, on Thursday afternoon.

1 of 3

He was found in a box in the attic at his family’s Fort Collins home, according to authorities.

The Countdown Begins For Modern Warfare 2…YAY AGORAPHOBIA!

scatmansham — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:30:41 +0000

The much anticipated sequel to Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare will be released on November 10th and I am more excited than a pedophile in Disney World. Too much? Anyway, I saw the new trailer and instantly went out to reserve the Modern Warfare 2 prestige edition. What’s the prestige edition you say? It comes with Modern warfare 2, a book with artwork, and…NIGHT VISION GOGGLES! you heard right you nerdy son of a bitch, functioning night vision goggles. It’s substantially pricier than the regular game, but you are getting a pair of night vision goggles, so what’s more important? Saving money or having the luxury of masturbating in your neighbor’s yard at night without falling into a thorn bush and having your baby sack impaled? I rest my case. Starting November 10th, I will be off the radar until…at least 2012, and we’re going to die anyway…and I ain’t going out a lieutenant. So tell your girlfriends to stop talking, make you some hot pockets and watch their big strong man get pale and fat while simultaneously getting carpal tunnel in both wrists. Read on for the trailer.

Check out the only video that will make you orgasm harder than that time you watched that sex scene in Monster’s Ball.

GAMER TIP: Contrary to popular belief, if a girl gives a guy oral while he’s playing Modern Warfare 2, that doesn’t make her a nerdy slut. It makes her a goddess worthy of a large rock on her finger…and maybe even her own X-box controller?
Ahem. Just throwin it out there ladies.

CUE DREAM SEQUENCE?

A Nightmare on Elm Street Remake…and here’s the trailer!

scatmansham — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:00:26 +0000

Now, I actually think this looks promising. It’s a little disturbing that Jackie Earlie Hailey is playing his second movie as a child molester (his first being Little Children), but that’s Hollywood.

I hope they don’t do to this movie what they did to Halloween, Friday the 13th and other classics…and that is bend them over, pull down their underwear of awesomeness, and pummel their heinie with horrible dialogue and a putrid script. Wow, you really can relate ass-rape to everything.

[via YouTube]

Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day Trailer

Genius robs house, stops to check Facebook on home’s computer…and leaves his page open. Precious.

scatmansham — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:15:05 +0000

I have done some dumb things in my time, but this takes the cake.

The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar’s arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim’s computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings. Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday one count of felony daytime burglary.

The victim told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.

The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.The victim later noticed that she was missing two diamond rings from her dresser in the same room as her computer.

I can’t say I’ve never done something like this. One time, I went to the house of this girl I really liked and snuck in to her house to snoop around, I left in a hurry because I had taken 3 tylenol pms before I left my house so I ended up forgetting something in her room, and by something I mean my nude body passed out on her floor. Why was I nude? I have no idea. I didn’t find any answer in jail either.

Now this poor gentleman will get superpoked alright…In the butt.

Get it?

Prison Rape?