If you want your guests and neighbors to believe you have personality, a doormat with some sass is a great way to trick them into thinking you’re interesting and complex. Being the serious journalist I am, I Google image searched “funny doormats” and have compiled a batch-o-mats that will make you l-o-l.

Without further ado, for your viewing pleasure: The cream of the doormat crop. Enjoy.

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This Daily Show clip is an oldie but a goodie, in which an argument for Long Island’s secession is made. Check out these Long Island residents’ “expert” opinions; they”re classic.

Does anyone really care if Long Island becomes its own state? Heck, I say let it become its own country if it wants. All it produces are bagels and swoll tatted up Yankees, and let’s be real: We still have Einstein Bros. and New Jersey for those things.

How ‘bout the guy with the guns on his guns? Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. Pure genius.