Word Salad » Entertainment Salad

Tiger Woods’ Penis Must Be Exhausted

scatmansham — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:42:38 +0000

As everyone has undoubtedly heard, Tiger Woods was caught and apparently beaten by his wife for swinging his “club” as other women’s vaginas. Now, a new woman has come out every day since the news of his first affair first broke and his wife wants blood. Tiger has reportedly offered his wife millions to keep her trap shut and even more to stay with him. His poonanny count is up to 9 now and his collection is comprised of models, club owners, porn stars, and even a midget. I made that last part up, but it is only monday. This is yet another story about how a millionaire loses it all for the carnal treasure located between women’s luscious thighs. I need to be alone. Good luck Tiger! That won’t help…you and your cartoonish smile are FUCKED.

Check out some of his ladies below: Jaimee Grubbs, Rachel Uchitel, Kalika Moquin, Jamie Junger, Cori Rist and Mindy Lawton

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NEW IRON MAN 2 POSTER IS BADASS!!!!!

scatmansham — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 13:13:53 +0000

No words…should have sent a poet.

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The Video Game World is Doomed. Presenting “Mass: We Pray!”

scatmansham — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:53:59 +0000

Video games are my escape from the craziness and misery of real life, but those sons of bitches at CHRISTIANITY CORP. have decided to bring some of that insanity into my fantasy world. MASS: WE PRAY is a Wii-type game where players use a complete knock-off of the Wii remote to do all that stuff people do during mass, besides sleep. I, being the heathen and blasphemer you all know and love, have never taken part in these rituals such as swinging a biblical fog machine that smells like burnt taint hair, eating ritz crackers and making believe it’s human flesh, or drinking wine and making believe you are some sort of vampire…I can go on and on about what goes on behind those psychadelic glass windows, but I digress. Watch the video and I’m sure you’ll be taken aback at how ridiculous this game is.

Check out the official site here…http://www.masswepray.com/

This game is not only offensive, but it is also an obvious jab at my religous community and our game…ULTRA THETAN : THE RISE OF XENU…I have reached Operating Thetan Level 8…and I can kill you with my mind…in the game.

World Won’t End in 2012, NASA

The Chef — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:23:27 +0000

Remember the Y2K scare? It came and went without much of a whimper because of adequate planning and analysis of the situation. Impressive movie special effects aside, Dec. 21, 2012, won’t be the end of the world as we know. It will, however, be another winter solstice.

Much like Y2K, 2012 has been analyzed and the science of the end of the Earth thoroughly studied. Contrary to some of the common beliefs out there, the science behind the end of the world quickly unravels when pinned down to the 2012 timeline. Below, NASA Scientists answer several questions that we’re frequently asked regarding 2012.

via NASA.

Miss California Sex Tape Triggers Settlement, Piques curiosity

Joe Harouni — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:15:36 +0000

Carrie Prejean [Miss California: Gays Hate Her, Fox News loves her] demanded more than a million dollars during her settlement negotiations with Miss California USA Pageant officials — that is, until the lawyer for the Pageant showed Carrie an XXX home video of her handiwork.

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy. Let’s just say, Carrie has a promising solo career.

We’re told it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to jettison her demand and essentially walk away with nothing [LAWSUIT FAIL!]. As we first reported, the Pageant is paying around $100,000 to her lawyers and publicist — a fraction of her bills. She pockets nothing in the settlement.

via TMZ.com.

Living on the Edge: Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler face-plants off stage, subsequently airlifted to a hospital

Hilton Mad Men Sweepstakes

The Chef — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:15:48 +0000

Hilton offering “Live like a Mad Man Sweepstakes”

Grand Prize: A 4-day/3-night trip to New York City. Trip consists of:

(a) 2 round trip airline tickets from major airport nearest winner’s residence to New York City;
(b) hotel accommodations at The Waldorf=Astoria Hotel (one bedroom suite) in New York City for three nights;
(d) one Mad Men wardrobe item [ed. I'll take Joan Holloway's panties please. Pre date-rape if possible.];
(e) makeover for winner by professional stylist ;
(f) gift card(s) valued at $500 for lunch, drinks or dinner at Mad Men inspired locations;
(g) Mad Men Guide to NY;
(h) Season 1 and 2 DVD set of Mad Men and a signed script.
Total approximate retail value of Grand Prize: $6,550.

Here’s how to Enter:

Between 12:01 AM (CST) on August 4, 2009 and 11:59 PM (CST) on November 15, 2009 (”Promotional Period”) you can enter the Sweepstakes if you book a room online at www.hiltonfamily.com/madmen using the Mad Men SRP codes MMS or WWMMS1 for stays between August 16, 2009 and November 15, 2009. Entries using macro, script or other forms of automatic entry will be disqualified.

You can also enter without booking a room by hand writing your name, complete address, day and evening phone number on a “3×5″ card and mailing it to

Live Like a Mad Man Sweepstakes
Lisa Herschelman, Carpenter, Sullivan Sossaman
400 Union Ave., Memphis, TN 38103.

Mail-in entries must be postmarked by November 15, 2009 and received by November 22, 2009. Limit one entry per envelope.

via Hilton Family – Mad Men Sweepstakes – Terms & Conditions.

Modern Warfare 2 – BestBuy Midnight Store Openings!

Letterman Admits Affairs With Employees, Targeted By Extortionist

The Chef — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 11:17:24 +0000

Whoops...

Who knows how posterity will view this move, but I for one say he manned up and faced the camera and admitted this to his audience. Hit the link to watch the video.

Late-night host David Letterman acknowledged on Thursday’s show that he had sexual relationships with female employees and that someone tried to extort $2 million from him over the affairs. CBS says an employee has been charged with attempted grand larceny in the case.

Letterman told his story during a taping of his show, mixing in jokes to an audience that seemed confused about what it was. He called it a “bizarre experience” that left him feeling disturbed and menaced.

[via Huffington Post]

‘Jon & Kate’ minus Jon equals ‘Kate Plus Eight’

The Chef — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:00:13 +0000

This is my house now!

This just in:

“Jon & Kate Plus 8″ will soon be simply “Kate Plus Eight.”

That’s the word from the TLC network, who announced Tuesday that its hit reality show is adapting to changes in the Gosselin household, which has been disrupted by the split up of Kate and Jon.

To be honest, I was expecting the show to become ‘Jon Plus Eight (and an STD)’ and for Kate to get a spin off on MTV ’s “Real World: Kate’s Womb” where 8 unemployed self-entitled college coeds, grads, and high school drop outs try to live together in the Gosselin uterus.

Oh Well. There’s always sweeps week.

[via omg! news]

A Nightmare on Elm Street Remake…and here’s the trailer!

scatmansham — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:00:26 +0000

Now, I actually think this looks promising. It’s a little disturbing that Jackie Earlie Hailey is playing his second movie as a child molester (his first being Little Children), but that’s Hollywood.

I hope they don’t do to this movie what they did to Halloween, Friday the 13th and other classics…and that is bend them over, pull down their underwear of awesomeness, and pummel their heinie with horrible dialogue and a putrid script. Wow, you really can relate ass-rape to everything.

[via YouTube]

Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day Trailer

Rambo 5? Sylvester Stallone, Please stop.

scatmansham — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:45:44 +0000

The tragic side effect of rampant HGH abuse: terrible, terrible movie sequels.

In the biggest surprise since finding out your girlfriend has a penis, Sylvester Stallone has announced his next chapter in the “John Rambo” saga, and it has gotten worse. It has tentatively been called “Rambo 5: The Savage Hunt”…

“John Rambo could track anyone – or anything – on earth. Now the military desperately needs him for a mission that his ultrasensitive instincts tell him he should refuse. A beast is loose somewhere north of the Arctic Circle. It has already decimated a secret research facility and annihilated a squad of elite military guards. And the raging creature is headed south toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation.

“It’s a job that Rambo and his 22-year-old hunting partner, Beau Brady, can’t turn down, but they and a team of highly-skilled special forces kill team discover that the prey is a terror beyond their wildest imagination – a half-human abomination created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed genetic experiments. It has man’s cunning, a predator’s savageness, and a prehistoric power that has transcended the ages. And even if Rambo and Beau survive its unrelenting hunger for human blood, they’ll still have to contront the grim reality that it may have grown immortal.”

Now, instead of having a man spewing incomprehensible nonsense to a 4 foot vitenemese man who cannot even understand english, we will have Rambo saying gems like “I’m your worst nightmare” to a 9 foot beast who probably speaks more clearly than he does.

Can’t wait…

[via ComingSoon.net]

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