Ok, so there’s a kid who cries blood. Obviously he’s a whiny bitch, because his mother has about 100 pictures of his blood soaked face. Dude, you’re letting the whole world know you cry all day. I’m no doctor, but it’s obvious he’s either been bitten by a vampire or cries so much his tear glands are just screaming “ENOUGH ALREADY YOU PUSSY!”.

I fail to see what he’s so worried about because my eyes are red and bleeding all the time, and no matter how many times that bitch maces me I will still pass out on her lawn naked when I drink too much. You heard me you old hag! I mean, Mom. Hit the jump for embedded video.

Any True Blood fans out there that think this is awesome show your love in the comments.

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I rarely find any new inventions offensive to the point I want to throw a bag of cobras into the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese’s, but these are some of the worst ideas since the Oxi-Clean people used pure, uncut columbian booger sugar to ”enhance the loud, obnoxious cleaning power” of both Billy Mays and the Oxi-Clean itself. Too soon?

ThiPhone thigh holder for your iPhone

Now, the only reason I can see for this is if you like you play your iTunes while you blow yourself. If it has something to do with the security of your $500-700 iPhone then it should hold really well against a 2 foot midget with one arm, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up. The only people that should wear this are attractive women who wear short skirts. Now I can actually cop a feel without getting maced. ::SLAP:: Hey pretty lady… I was just checking out your cool iPhone ThiPhone strap and… penis…Oh god…

The Sanwa Floating iPhone Water Case

Why in the name of all things sacred do these people feel we need such a device? I mean since Apple does have the greatest insurance policies we really shouldn’t even worry about bringing the thing in the pool in the first place, right?…hey! Let’s bring our $700+ iPhones into the pool!  They will maintain optimum buoyancy inside this space aged condom/iPhone protector, so no worries. Noone wants to swim with me? Your phones will be fine I swear! Oh, because of my peeing-in-the-pool problem…fair enough.

Coming soon: iPhone Football Helmet Straps…Capture 1st person hits with the crystal clear resolution of the 3GS’ video camera! 

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