This week I was truly stumped as to what to write about. Then a few friends suggested topics. A few of them were interesting, but I felt pompous as soon as I started to tackle these subjects because I don’t want to come off like I know anything more than anyone else. When I read other people’s opinions on things, it never feels like they’re offering their opinion and the tone is often that of someone who believes their “opinion” is nothing short of fact. Let me be clear, these actual opinions are not only just opinions, but they’re often based on absolutely nothing, meaning that I could completely change my mind on any one if them once I have any kind of new experience directly related to said topic. Make sense?

One such subject was that of, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

We’ve all heard this and I’m hoping that you haven’t heard it from personal experience and merely from that episode of Seinfeld which I posted above.  The thing is, I don’t think that this line is totally bullshit.  I do believe, very strongly, that women between the ages of 21 and 26 have some growth occurring mentally, professionally and of course, emotionally.  In fact, I think that we become nearly whole other people in this time, and I think it’s very important that we fully allow ourselves the time and effort of self-exploration so that we can come out truly aware of  what it is that we want and need in life and in the person we’re looking to be with.

This isn’t always the case. 

I have myself witnessed a case of It’s Not You, It’s Me, when the person saying this line really meant it when they said it, but found themselves completely engaged in a new committed relationship only 2 to 3 weeks after that infamous line was uttered.  This person really thought they needed to do some personal work, but it turned out, that other person just wasn’t what they were looking for at all.  Along comes someone who does seem like more of a fit – maybe more of the same type, same hopes and dreams, same style, and there you go – perfect chemistry.

So, how does one decipher the difference?  Ah, there’s the rub!  There is no REAL way to know if that person just blew you off because they didn’t like you or if they didn’t like themselves.  The only way to try figure it out is to watch the person – if they’re in a new relationship in a blink of an eye, than one can assume one of two of the following things:

1.  That person was totally full of shit.
2.  That person decided that they no longer felt like doing any self exploration to really figure themselves out and they found the nearest distraction/person who has yet to realize their bullshit.

I have zero suggestions on how to deal with a situation such as this. Maybe claim the clichéd ‘not-meant-to-be’, or throw your hands up and say good riddance.  You should count yourself lucky to avoid a relationship if that person wasn’t crazy about you enough to never let you go.

Related posts:

1. ON POINT: Poignant thoughts from people ages 25-35